One Sunday morning, as I sat in church and listened to the speaker at the podium address a short and simple verse, I was struck by new thoughts about a familiar verse.
Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other, just as God also in Christ forgave you.
Ephesians 4:32
I look at that verse and I marvel at the word be. Be - an irregular verb that denotes (an often aspirational) state of existence. Sans conjugation, the timeline on the implied state of being never expires. This command is not “be kind until”, or “be tenderhearted if”, or “be forgiving when”; this is an always be.
Beyond its constancy, this “be” is a verb, which signifies action, and is compelling, if not convicting. Oftentimes, I may look at such a verse as a list of characteristics that God wants me to have, rather than a set of actions He expects me to take, and while both are true, one should not exist without the other. Our actions are the evidence of our character, just as our faith and our works go hand in hand.
In a highly individualistic culture, like the one we live in, it is easy to miss the hurts or needs of others, or even to deliberately ignore them. Sometimes the best-case scenario in which an individual does take notice results in a response of well-wishes, prayers, or sentiments. These are fitting responses, but they are often insufficient. Per the command given to us in Ephesians 4:32 (and throughout the Bible), I think that more is required.
I wonder, am I prone to insufficient response, and if so, why?
Perhaps I suffer from a lack of willingness to spend what is costly - whether that is time, resources, or energy. That is not to say that I am unwilling to give of these things; perhaps I am unwilling to give at the point where it costs. For example, it is easy to volunteer my time when it involves making music or art, but it is another thing entirely to commit to cleaning toilets or doing manual labor. It is easy to offer a listening ear to a friend over dinner, but perhaps a bit more challenging to sit down with a member of my church that I am not naturally inclined to spend time with.
After observing me leaving the house to have dinner with folks several nights in a row, my brother asked one night if my meeting would be mutually enjoyable. I found this to be an interesting and insightful question. He looks out for me in this way, because he knows that I can easily overextend myself, and there is merit in that. The flipside however is this: should the offer of my time be transactional? Should I only be willing to offer up my time in exchange for my own enjoyment? I think not. Likewise, I believe that kindness, tenderheartedness, and forgiveness are not transactional. Like God’s grace, they are to be freely given, and the fact of the matter is a free gift is likely going to cost the giver. What costs us “bandwidth”, cost God a son. These will never be equivalent.
Another reason why I may fall short of effectively being kind, tenderhearted, or forgiving is that when I regard those action-items as simply a list of aspirational characteristics, I can let myself believe that I am already fulfilling God’s requirement. I look at the characteristics like shiny tools in my beautiful toolbox, and they remain untouched while I rest comfortably and things around me fall apart without my notice or repair.
Last, but not least, I think this area where I can fall short involves a “you know where to find me” attitude. I can be great at declaring that I am here if you need me, but is it not better to show up where I know I may be needed? Is that not what Jesus has done for me? If He had waited for me to come to Him first, I would surely miss eternity with Him.
If you are even just a bit like me, then we can both acknowledge that we are imperfect, and may be prone to fall short in these ways. God knows that, and He extends grace for that. He also gives us the capacity to do what He has asked of us, in His power. This verse does not end with His directions, but with His reason for them: just as God also in Christ forgave you.
There are serious implications there. Each time that we exercise our ability to be kind, tenderhearted, and forgiving, we are reflecting God’s character and honoring the ways in which He has selflessly acted to bring us to Him. Likewise, when we reflect these and other characteristics of God in ourselves and in our actions, we have the chance to draw people to Him.