When I heard that you had passed away I felt a certain sadness. You were a familiar voice in my time of adolescence. I was overcome with a sharp sense of nostalgia as every note I ever loved to hear you sing came rushing to my mind. My first Linkin Park song was Shadow of the Day.
Can you imagine how the song rang out in a new way after hearing how it was that your passing came to be? Likewise, your song, Heavy, held new significance.
I thought of all the words that you sang with that so-called sweet pain in your voice. Did I applaud your cries for help rather than hearing them for what they may have been? Did I sing along with you and not recognize the hurting that I felt was ringing out in your voice too? Music is a channel for releasing and relieving all the things we feel so much, but maybe it can also be a spellbinding tower that keeps in the dark places that those feelings can sometimes take us.
I do not blame the music - I only wonder if it perpetuated whatever you must have been feeling to want to leave your life behind.
I wish that I could ask you about it all. What was hurting your heart so? Why did you feel so hopeless? And what could anyone have done to help? I know that the answers to these questions could not bring you back, but maybe it could help me to know how to help someone else so that they might find their own lost will to continue living.
My heart hurts for you and for your family, and even for your fans. I imagine that you would want your music to be a force of good reaching those who are hurting, and the way you have left us will undoubtedly change the nature of your music's impact in countless ways. Its impact will not be simply good or bad, but many things to many people. I hope that ultimately your legacy will continue to help people.
Your Sad Fan,
Moriah
image via pinterest (kristy saputo)