Life is hard you guys - really and truly hard sometimes. I don't know that anyone can adequately prepare another person for the reality of "adulting", which is that you can do (just about) all of the right things, and still find yourself in a less-than-favorable situation. When I look back on the decisions I've made, calculate the steps that I have taken, factoring in great efforts and painful missteps, and then I look at where I am now, it seems to me that the whole equation just doesn't add up. I put in hours on the clock, at school, and at work, and at home. I don't know that I have been the best at anything, but I have surely worked hard. In many areas of my life up to this point, I would even say that I have done my best. That is not to say that I did not have room for improvement, or that there are not things that I wish I had done differently - it is simply to say that my margin of error was relatively low and even reasonable.
I say all that to say, that while you must act responsibly and be accountable for the steps you have taken up to the point where you are, you need to remember to cut yourself some slack. There are some things (heck - most things) which are very much out of our control, and it helps to remember that. Let every time that you look back on the things you could have done differently be an opportunity to learn from your mistakes, not an invitation to dwell on results of those mistakes. The most brilliant successes are preceded by trial and error. You may be living with the consequences of an error in this moment, but now it is time to move forward. Give yourself a break, so that you can. When you don’t allow yourself to forgive your mistakes and to stop filling your mind with thoughts about them, you are not only unable to move forward, but you may also putting your mental health at risk. Seriously - GIVE YOURSELF A BREAK!
On more than one occasion you may find yourself burdened by an overwhelming sense of what I can assure you is going to feel like hopeless failure. I would like to tell you that just because you have not succeeded yet does not mean that you have failed, but the fact of the matter is that some of the goals we set out to achieve have time limits. When we have not met those goals in time, we have in fact failed. So here is the truth: there are times you really will have failed at the things that you tried to accomplish, whether that is in your personal life, your academic career, your work life, or some other aspect of your life. This does not mean that you have failed as an adult, much less as a person. Furthermore, those goals that are constrained by our man-made limits will never be the most worthwhile; all things that we accomplish in God’s time will be our most meaningful achievements. God’s time is infinite and unknowable, and so if we have not yet accomplished those dreams or unknown things that are rooted in His time, we have not failed, we are simply waiting to succeed.
Last but not least, as you navigate through the barrage of everyday challenges that adult life has to offer, from the grind of day to day obligations to the pursuit of your individual goals, do not forget to surround yourself with positivity and have fun. I came across the phrase “choose happy” and I found that it really resonated with me in a time where happiness is easy to overlook. Happiness is fleeting and so I know to pursue more than that, but it is more than okay to want it and to have it. Surround yourself with people who help you get to the place of achieving your goals and who will help you to keep your head up. Play music that is uplifting. Read stories with happy endings. Take time to do little things for yourself - a day at the spa or a night at the movies. If you are waiting until after you have accomplished all of your goals to be happy or to have fun, you may be waiting for a long time. Furthermore, we don’t know how much time we have before us, so let’s be sure that in making the most of everyday, we find a little something that makes us happy.