The new year is finally here and after the last hurrah of anticipation at this time last year, there is this idea that perhaps if we enter it very quietly and with little anticipation, it will not come at us like 2020. The notion makes me laugh - quietly of course.
Transitioning into a new year always brings about a particular time of reflection on where I’ve been, where I am, and where I’m going. I try to remain reflective throughout the year, but this is the time when my pen most often hits the paper with concrete thoughts. I used to conclude that moment of reflection with a list of resolutions, but over time, I gave that up - in part because I hated reviewing resolutions that I had not resolved at the end of the year, and also because I realized that it was better for me to develop and work towards my goals throughout the year, rather than all at once. What I want at the beginning of the year may differ vastly from what I want later on. I started to determine a word or a mantra, like an overarching theme for any goals I might develop throughout the year instead.
A few of these were especially impactful for me. In 2017, my word was invitation, and I dived into a “year of yes”. I kept my eyes open for invitation into relationships, adventures, community, and faith. Some important growth and friendships came out of that, and the fruit of that remains.
The first day of 2020 came and went without an elected theme, which now seems fitting. I did eventually determine a mantra - “plan for it, work for it”. In the spirit of 2020, the year laughed at me and in a few short months made a full stop to several of my plans. In fairness, the year halted everyone’s plans everywhere. Much as I quite wished for things to be different then (at the start of COVID and before all the additional madness that followed), I came to realize a certain blessing that came with the new circumstances. While I could have done without the virus, I found that I had needed the change of pace that it brought about. An uninvited moment of relative stillness helped me to recall that my calendar was just a calendar and any power I had to exact my plans was more limited than I liked to realize. It helped me to rest after a long while of hyperactivity that was sometimes mistaken for productivity. The time of stillness reminded me of what mattered most and it highlighted those things which should be my priorities. Above all else, it reminded me of my dependency on God. Thus my mantra had become, be still and know.
That was in March. Several months passed and the stillness loomed. What was restful for a time soon made me restless and when the time came for some version of normalcy to return, I seemed to have forgotten what I had so happily been reminded of. I filled my calendar, made all the plans, and felt quite like I was in control again. This is hardly favorable to admit, but reflection and truth require this admission. Looking back on it now, it’s no wonder I felt so tired all the time. It was like a “year of yes” all over again - only longer and less favorable somehow.
So in mid-December, as I began to reflect deeply on my past year and the one ahead of me, I started clinging to the idea of a “year of no”. I thought perhaps I would reclaim my time and my rest by saying no a lot more often. On many occasions, I showed up in places where I realized my absence would not have meant anything to anyone or changed my own life. On several more, I realized that if I had not stepped in, someone else would have. I know how that sounds, and that it is not always the case, but I do believe that in many instances, it really would have been so. I thought of all the pursuits I had committed to which were in and of themselves good, but not altogether necessary, and when combined, weighed too much on my time and energy. Yes, this would be my year of no.
But something about this mantra seemed so wrong - so negative. It made me feel unforgiving and closed off somehow, and I realized it could only serve to encourage regression into the person I was before my “year of yes”. The resolve in my heart was not so much about yeses and nos - it was a matter of value. What I had missed from the good I once held in 2020 was the simplicity of priorities.
So after much reflection, I have determined my mantra and my word for the new year: Less yes, more value - in a word, prioritize. I’ll favor rest over FOMO, quiet contentment over needless busyness, and caring for myself over giving myself away so freely. I’ll learn to be okay with letting someone else step in to meet needs that I might prefer to see performed by my own standard. I will determine which of all my life-giving pursuits proves most rewarding at this time and find a way to wait on pursuing the others so that whichever I devote myself to can be done to the best of my ability. I will offer my presence where it is most valued, and otherwise, enjoy much needed time to myself. And I will not neglect time with the God who holds every minute of my time in His hands. This is what I want out of 2021.